I have been wondering about the flaws hidden inside my void.
That maybe something is actually wrong with me.
That maybe it’s not every time I succeed with all the things I wish for.

Maybe sometimes, there could be a time where I won’t excel like I’m always used to.
I have been grasping for it without realizing that I’m only capable of failures when I’m toxic.

I kept searching for all those chances where I could be flawed enough to finally find myself.
My belief of being an epitome of excellence just vanished when I’ve thought of you.

That’s when I realized that with all the victories I have been through,
you were the only one I never won.

Loving you is what I excelled at the most
– but maybe being loved back is the only thing I’m not good at.

– El


All my life,
Photo by Simon Marsault on Unsplash